EDMONTON — I have never seen new parents mad or sad or indifferent while holding their newborn for the first time. However, it doesn’t take long for that to change. The baby becomes fourteen and an alien.

Those preteen, middle school years are awkward for kids and horrifyingly difficult for parents. “Testing the waters.” That is what middle schoolers do.

I spent my teaching career at a high school, but after retirement I was invited to fill a critical shortage position at a middle school. I had no template for this age except for my own kids who were now grown. Like childbirth, I had forgotten the pain.

So, I sought advice from a good friend who taught middle school in Louisville. “They have an attention span of twenty minutes, so keep it moving.” I thought she was joking, but she was on the mark.

I planned twenty-minute lessons and nearly worked myself to death. I learned, first of all, that many of them loved to read literature stories aloud, but the problem was that while a zealous child was reading, the rest of the class was bored. I couldn’t stand to see their sinking faces. I also had never heard a novel referred to as a “chapter book.” I still don’t understand that concept.

When it came to writing, they thought a paragraph was sufficient. “You want me to write HOW MUCH?” If I told them to write 500 words, they spent all their time counting.

I worked harder than I ever had to keep things moving and along the way collected many memories.

They were often obsessed by guessing my age and wanted to know because I was quite a bit older than the rather young faculty in the building. I never told them because they would have thought I belonged in a home. One said confidently while trying to get me to confess, “I know you aren’t as old as my grandma.”

 “How old is she?”

“She’s fifty.” I nodded that I wasn’t her age, but I didn’t tell the rest of the story.

One of the funniest incidents happened after lunch one day when I leaned back in my chair to reach for a sack of candy to give anxious students, and the chair “bucked” me right out. My feet flew up in the air. That made an impression!

Then there was a little fellow who would not stay in his seat. No matter what we were doing, he was up. One day I was peer conferencing with a few students at my desk while others were working. Not this fellow.

I knew he was lying on his stomach with his head under my desk tying my shoelaces together, but he didn’t know I knew. Other kids would look at me and then look down at him, but I signaled for them to be quiet. After all, he wasn’t bothersome as he played.

When it was time for lunch, I looked under the desk and said, “Jimmy, untie my shoes now.” I wonder if he graduated after he moved from Metcalfe County.

I also never knew what they were going to say. One girl told me she had three fathers. I asked no questions. Another said her daddy got drunk and they had to leave home. I asked no questions. One child brought his homework to school in a plastic bag because the cat had wet on it.

Their lives are filled with drama too. Girls crave popularity and boys don’t. Girls never want to go to the bathroom alone and guys want to pull a chair out from under someone or swap licks. They all like to tattle and write notes.

Their note writing was an art in paper folding too. After composing, they would meticulously fold it into the tiniest square so that when unfolded, it had points. I never knew how they did this, but I have watched their cleverness of folding and passing across the room only to spoil their fun.

This is also the age when they get braces and girls claim boyfriends. Some also don’t mind hanging out with teachers instead of going to break with their classmates. They are still young enough to bring Valentine cards and Christmas gifts to their teachers.

What they all have in common is their restlessness and need to fly solo just a little. That is the main reason for the tension at home. They often become sassy, rude, and often downright angry with those they love. How do I know? Suddenly, it is all coming back to me.

Middle school kids are too old to be little and too little to be old. Patience. I had to have an abundance of patience to work with this age group, but I will admit those six years gave me great joy. Maybe they were kinder to me than other teachers because I could have been their grandmother!

Contact Carol Perkins at cperkins@scrtc.com. Her book is available at Ivy Bookstore in Glasgow.