Listening is a simple gift

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August 27, 2009

By JIMMY LOWE The Glasgow Daily Times Thu Aug 27, 2009, 09:57 AM CDT

GLASGOW — Years ago I helped a friend move a piano, and my back was strained in ways it still remembers. This was an old piano that seemed as heavy and awkward as a lost baby elephant being returned to a carnival. Still, I struggled and sweated, and the piano was moved from one location to provide music in another.

Because I've been grateful for the kind help I've received from time to time, I've tried to help friends in a variety of needs. Usually it has been my pleasure, as well as my duty, to offer assistance. I'll confess, though, that I didn't enjoy much of that day when I stripped the old paper off the living room wall in a house that was being renovated.

Thankfully, there are a number of ways we can help our friends. Many are quite simple. It may be that remarks inside a nice card will do the job. Or a hug or a smile may be needed. The sharing of laughter if often helpful.

And then, there is the help that listening provides.

istening is a gift we can give friends who have a need to talk. It's quite simple: just offer body language that says "I'm listening," and the friend is freed to unpack the luggage in his mind.

Listening takes us away from ourselves. We open our hearts as we open our ears. To be sought out to listen is an honor we should not take lightly. One responsibility of listening to someone else's concerns is to refrain from being preoccupied with our own.

Once I visited a friend who lives so far from here that you can't drive there during the light of one day's time. I only see him infrequently, yet we always enjoy connecting and catching up with one another's lives.

During this particular visit, our conversation was rather one-sided with most of the talking coming from his side. It was obvious that he had been carrying around a lot of luggage. It certainly needed sorting through. So, I respectfully listened. My few small comments were limited to the "Uh-huh" variety. After his long monologue, I felt my help during our meeting had been rather insignificant.

Quite often listening may involve evaluating and providing thoughtful advice. Sometimes even our serious judgment may be sought. But on this occasion, there were no demands made beyond my acknowledgement of listening.

Still, he gushed with thanks for my help.

How had I helped?

Sometimes an individual may listen in the non-noise of silence to that introspective voice and find his own help. At other times, a different method may be necessary. This time, my friend had needed an excuse to hear aloud what he had been leaving unheard. I had given him that excuse.

His conversation had amounted to out loud thinking. He was able to hear himself and better evaluate his situation. By articulating his dilemma, he had gained insight from his very own logic.

He was grateful, and I was glad to have helped. I was also glad it hadn't involved heavy lifting or tedious scraping.

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