Glasgow Daily Times, Glasgow, KY

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November 4, 2009

The truth is somewhere in between

By ALISA MAYSEY

GLASGOW — Many people in my Abby’s life tell me they find her to be a delightful little girl. Her brothers think she’s a spoiled brat, as do many of our friends who haven’t said so but whose body language gives away their opinion.

The truth, I would guess, lies somewhere between those two extremes. Most of the time she really is a sweet and loving little gal. When she becomes frustrated with her hands or feet not doing what her head wants them to do, though, she can throw one heck of a fit.

Attempting to help make her life a little easier, Jeff and I have probably contributed to her brattiness by not providing firm enough boundaries concerning her behavior. All of us, including her brothers, have sometimes ended up giving her what she wants when she lets out one of her shrill screams—just because we want the noise to stop.

So now we have a little spoiled girl who wants what she wants when she wants it, two brothers who are tired of their little sister’s always getting her way and two parents who have decided it’s past time to modify the behavior.

Lately Jeff and I have begun to ignore her when she’s crying and whining and throwing an all-out fit in an attempt to get her way. If she screams that she wants a drink of her Pediasure, we calmly remind her to use a nice voice and we’ll be happy to get it for her.

We were making a bit of progress until she developed a nasty cold last week. Her head is all stuffy, her nose is sore from blowing it, and she’s been just all out of sorts.

Monday brought a trip to Louisville for a visit to her orthopedist. She took a nap on the way there, and on the way back she asked me for a pencil so she could draw. Things went fine until her clumsy hand couldn’t hold on to the pencil.

“My pencil,” she screamed, “I need my pencil!”

I calmly explained that I was driving and couldn’t reach the pencil, but she wouldn’t hear me and just kept on screaming.

Determined to be consistent with my response to one of her fits, I took a deep breath, pretended she wasn’t screaming and shrieking, and just kept driving.

I felt a twinge of victory as the noise seemed to subside for a moment, but the reprieve was short lived.

“Mamaaaaaaaaa! You’re not talking to meeeeee!” she roared from behind me, all the while also screaming that she couldn’t breathe because her nose was stopped up.

“Abby, remember Mommy doesn’t talk to you when you scream and whine, and screaming and crying will just make you more stopped up,” I replied in the most calm and comforting tone I could muster.

When the noise subsided again, I suggested a couple of things to try to get her mind off the pencil, but since my suggestions only served to reignite her fiery fit, I went into silent mode again.

“Mama, you won’t talk to me! Why won’t you talk to me?” she yelled hatefully.

I held my resolve and remained silent and she finally stopped yelling. In fact, I’m guessing we probably rode for at least half a mile without any screaming at all until she broke the silence once again. “Mom, you’re supposed to love me. Why won’t you talk to me?” she calmly asked.

“Abby, Mommy does love you,” I replied when I was certain I’d choked back the giggle that was trying to escape. “Mommy just wants you to be a sweet girl, so I’m not gonna talk to you when you’re screaming and whining and crying! You have to learn to be nice to people.”

I happened to look in the rearview mirror just in time to see her face light up with that gorgeous little smile of hers as she said in that all-too-familiar sweet voice, “I’m not screaming now; I’m being nice. And I love you, Mommy.”

Contact Alisa Maysey at alisamaysey(at)yahoo.com

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